Life

has been okay for me lately. I'm not exactly the happiest person in the world, but i'm better than before. One thing i'm certain about myself is that my thoughts always get in the way of my happiness. I'm always worrying, always concerned, always getting sick over situations and people that i later realize aren't worth my time. I just feel like everyone is going to let me down one way or another, even if they say they won't. I've built a thick, tall wall between me and everyone else. I know it's wrong, but the more i share with people, the more they let me down in the end. No one seems to notice or appreciate it, but i try my hardest to make people happy and make things work; even if it means getting walked all over. To be honest, the only person that hasn't let me down is michelle. She's seriously become one of the most important people in my life. It hurts me that i'm not exactly ready to share another part of my life with her, but i know she understands that i have to tell her on my own terms, and i know that she respects my decisions. She's the only one i truely trust anymore, because not only are we blood, but we're best friends. Without her...i really don't know what i'd do. Sometimes i cry, to be honest, when i think about her leaving, because i know if she ever did i'd be a mess. Whether she realizes it or not, she's the only thing keeping me together.



Other than that, i try and stay true to everyone else that's important to me. No matter what happens, i always just block it off from my mind and move on. I try really hard to forget about everything that's happened with certain people, and it seems to work. Once i love someone as a friend (or more than a friend) it's close to impossible to be mad at them. If i love you, and it's true, then i'll stick by you through the end. But as for others, once you hit a certain point, your fucking out of my life for good. I made a promise to myself that this year i'm not taking shit from anyone anymore, and i plan on staying true to that. I really need to stop letting people get in the way of having a happy life, and focus more on getting all these negative thoughts out of my head. I just want friends that'll stay true, someone to love me as hard as i love them, and someone to be there for me no matter what. So far, i think i have those three things in my life, but you never know what can happen. I just thank god everyday for the people i DO have in my life, because i am more than greatful.



Aside from all of this, nothing really interesting has been going on in my life. I've just been trying to relax and go with the flow lately, and it's helping. Listening to music really calms me down, and it lets some of those tears out that have been hiding there for a while. For some reason, i've been listening to older music lately. Is that weird, because some people find it odd? I'm not sure, but it's whatever, because i like it. Oh, and my grandmother is in the hospital again. I think she'll be ok, because she's such a strong person. I'm not that worried about it anymore, because when i saw her she seemed content. She'll still be in my prayers though, as well as everyone else.



Oh, and i almost forgot, Happy New Year(:

'cause the hardest part of this, is losing you...