So long, my friend...

crazy is the only word describe what's been happening to me latley. i've been getting into all sorts of trouble, acting out at home, and even worse, i lost my best friend in the whole entire world. and it's weird to say i miss him because i specifically told him im done with him. ofcourse, i didn't mean it, but he doesn't know that. i swear, i can never keep him off of my mind. everthing i see or do reminds me of what an amazing person he is and all the good times we had, and it also reminds me that i'll never be able to make more memories like that again. and worst of it all, i did not accept his apology the other night. yeah, i know, it seems stupid to obsess over someone and than ruin the one oppurtunity you have to be a part of their life again. but, i do have my reasons. i honestly dont want to get hurt again, and i really don't want to hurt him again, either. i feel that if i enter his life again, i'll just make him more unhappy. i love this boy so very much, and he was such a big part of my life, and now that im gone, i want him to live a happier life without me. all i did was cause stress, and bitch at him for stupid reasons. i realize i wasnt always the greatest friend, and i feel like shit thinking about it now. i miss him more and more every single day, and it's almost impossible for me to sleep at night. i miss his hugs, his friendly hello's, his adorable hair, our random and hysterical conversations, and most of all, him. i want him in my life, i want him as my best friend again. i need him more and more everyday. he was the person who would pick up the broken pieces of my life and put them back together, and i didnt realize it untill now that i need him more than i thought i would. when he passes me by, i try and do something to draw attention, because all i need is one tiny glance to make it through the day. one glance and i know he cares. i need this boy in my life, now more than ever. i just wish he could understand that i don't want to ruin his life again. i'll keep my distance, but i'll never forget him. im sorry for all the harm i've caused in your life. im sorry i wasn't always there, but just remember that you'll always have the other half of my heart.