"My, my. What tiny teeth you have!"

i remember a time where i hated my teeth. i thought that my mouth was a zoo for everyone to p0nder upon. i also remember a time when some stupid bitch refered to me as "the girl with the gross teeth.". yeah well guess what bitch? i got braces. SUCK ON THAT. yeah, it was a stressful day. i wake up at 6:45 this morning, staring at my messy floor with my heart beating out of my chest. holy fucking shit. was i really going through with this? YES, i answered myself in a way that could probably get me a sure spot in the mental institution. now, the thing that amazes me is how someone who is in love with sleeping can wake up so early for a 9:00 apointment. dumb ass. anyway, i jumped out of bed and looked at the mirror. my hair was starting to wave at the ends (despite my attempt to straighten it last night), and my makeup was slightly smudged. i restraightened it, applied more makeup, and sat on the couch like a nervous wreck waiting for someone to wake up and start a decent conversation with me so i could calm down a bit. well, i was obviously stupid to wish for a cheerful conversation in my fucked up household. my mom comes in the family room, feet dragging behind her, and that "im so tired i dont even know what's going on" look on her face. she swings around to see me on the couch staring at her. before i could even say good morning, i get the usual,"what the fuck are you doing up this early? who the hell wants to see your face at this time?". oh, not only did my anger fire in an instant, but my mouth did too. "actually mom, i was too nervous to sleep so i got up hoping for some comfort from my loving mom. but i guess i was wrong. oh, and by the way, at least i attempt to look good in the moring, unlike your ass breathed self.". i guess you know what came next. SLAP! right across the fucking face. whatever. i am honestly used to her pathetic attempts to make me even more miserable. but sadly for her, it doesnt work anymore. so, i shook it off, got dressed, and volunteered to walk my brother to his bus stop. he was more than delighted when he found out his big sister was going to be taking him. he ran out of the house with huge leaps, smiling happily as i tried desperatley to keep up. he is such a tiny little fellow, and also a very cute one with his blonde hair and big blue eyes. he can be annoying at times, but all in all i love him. anyway, after that my dad had already arrived and i proceeded up the driveway and into his car. when he finally found the damn place, my stomach was even worse than in the morning. when they called my name, i almost puked. i walked slowly in the room, everything passing me in a blurry haze, and the only thing focused was the small table attached to the chair. the chair i'd be getting braces in, the table attatched to the chair, and the sharp objects on the table were all waiting for me. fuck. im totally screwed. what the hell is that hook thing? they better not put that near my face. the dentist interrupted my thoughts when he told me to sit down. at first, i was nervous. but after he shoved those metal things into my gums, i hardly cared anymore. i sat there patiently, waiting to see the ending product. when they were done, i was handed a color palet of bands for my mouth. i picked the glow in the dark green ones. by the way, they actually glow! anyway, after that, i was handed a mirror. my biggest mistake was looking into it. my "grill" was even more jacked up than it was before. not only do i have a space, i now have a mouth full of metal. i refused to talk after that. when we left, we went to wendy's. youd think i wouldnt be able to bite into a half pound of greasy meat, but i managed. the rest of my day was spent going to the doctors, flossing, brushing, and obsessively looking in the mirror. i honestly dont look too bad; or maybe i'm just used to it.

So long, my friend...

crazy is the only word describe what's been happening to me latley. i've been getting into all sorts of trouble, acting out at home, and even worse, i lost my best friend in the whole entire world. and it's weird to say i miss him because i specifically told him im done with him. ofcourse, i didn't mean it, but he doesn't know that. i swear, i can never keep him off of my mind. everthing i see or do reminds me of what an amazing person he is and all the good times we had, and it also reminds me that i'll never be able to make more memories like that again. and worst of it all, i did not accept his apology the other night. yeah, i know, it seems stupid to obsess over someone and than ruin the one oppurtunity you have to be a part of their life again. but, i do have my reasons. i honestly dont want to get hurt again, and i really don't want to hurt him again, either. i feel that if i enter his life again, i'll just make him more unhappy. i love this boy so very much, and he was such a big part of my life, and now that im gone, i want him to live a happier life without me. all i did was cause stress, and bitch at him for stupid reasons. i realize i wasnt always the greatest friend, and i feel like shit thinking about it now. i miss him more and more every single day, and it's almost impossible for me to sleep at night. i miss his hugs, his friendly hello's, his adorable hair, our random and hysterical conversations, and most of all, him. i want him in my life, i want him as my best friend again. i need him more and more everyday. he was the person who would pick up the broken pieces of my life and put them back together, and i didnt realize it untill now that i need him more than i thought i would. when he passes me by, i try and do something to draw attention, because all i need is one tiny glance to make it through the day. one glance and i know he cares. i need this boy in my life, now more than ever. i just wish he could understand that i don't want to ruin his life again. i'll keep my distance, but i'll never forget him. im sorry for all the harm i've caused in your life. im sorry i wasn't always there, but just remember that you'll always have the other half of my heart.

Be my Valentine?

valentine's day is suppossed to be the day you share with the person you love. well, not exactly for me. i slept in rather late, waking up to the sound of my stepfather and little brother babbling on and on about what a special day it was. lame, right? anyway, i slowly crawled out of bed, tripping on my huge pile of clothes on the floor that i still haven't picked up. after i slowly got up off of the floor, i went into the bathroom to see a red eyed, make up smeared, afro-haired monster staring back at me in the mirror. great way to start off my day, isn't it? after i fixed myself up, i tried to sneak past the kitchen and into the living room to get my laptop without being noticed. mission incomplete. my stepdad just had to look into my direction that exact moment. so, as usual, he made an announcement to every living thing in the house that "the monster's alive". and i replied with the usual roll of the eyes and dirty look. but just as i thought i could escape, my little brother comes with his mouth turned up at the corners and teeth exposed. "HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY DANIELLE!", he screams in my face. i mean, yeah, he's a little over six years old. but it gets annoying after a while when u have to make a big deal out of every holiday invented just to make the kid happy. he even wished me a "happy president's day" a few months ago. anyway, i smiled and patted his head. "your gifts are on the table danielle, aren't you 'gunna see what they are?". it was obvious that he was more curious than me. i told him i'd check them later. i ran into the living room before he could even reply. finally! i was free to go and check my mail at once! i LOVE the living room. no one ever comes in there, everyone else prefers the family room. i, on the other hand, think that this big, spacious room is far more better than squeezing on some small, red leather couch debating on what channel to watch. everyone always wants something different, and then we all wind up watching something stupid like a nature show. i get pissed off and leave, my brother starts to whine, my mom starts to scream, and my stepdad goes into the garage to smoke or do whatever he does in there. anyway, i checked my mail, and then decided to read. the rest of my day consisted of instant messaging, texting, eating the chocolates i got from my mom, and reading again. by the time my dad came at seven, i was itching to get out of the house. every valentine's day my dad is my date. he always buys me a sweet card, some chocolates, and an over stuffed animal. it's all really cute, but i'd like a boyfriend as a date for once. but, i guess it was okay because my dad told me he was taking me to panera, my FAVORITE place to eat. it's in-expensive, has some bitchin' soup, and all the mountain dew you can ever dream of. so, i prettied myself up, applying more make-up than usual, and than ran into the living room with a big grin on my face. note to self: nothing ever comes this easy in my life. as i glance over at my little brother, he has his coat and shoes on. i look for a sign of my mom and stepdad, but can't seem to find them anywhere. shit. i already knew what was going to come out of my dad's mouth. but, he said it anyway. "mom and rob had dinner reservations, so tommy has to tag along". my mood went from happy, to pissed the fuck off in one tiny second. "great. happy valentines day to me!", i snarked. did we leave it at that, u ask? ofcourse not. i got the usual stink eye from my brother, and than the loud, roar of my dad's voice mixed in with some curse words i wouldn't even say. hah, whatever. once we got to the damn place, we find out there's no flippin' bread bowls left. now let me tell you, when i say my dad flipped, i mean he went full out insane. the dumb bitch at the counter came up with some lame ass excuse and he gave her a mouthful. they probably spit in our food. whatever. after that, my dad saw i was aching inside due to the fact him and my lovely mother rejected my request to sleep over natalie's house. apparently my parents think that every other family are some sort serial killers or child abusers who lock their children in closets and leave them there for days. so, he let natalie come along with us to starbucks. we sat, we chat, we drank our frappachinos like we were badasses, and then we got dirty looks from two girls and their extremely hot boyfriends from across the room. well, atleast i thought they were hot. natalie on the other hand begged to differ. after that, i begged my dad to left me stay over natalies, and he budged. me and natalie spent the rest of the night watching juno and talking about our lives. i guess it was an okay day, but still, its sucked due to the "no boyfriend" issue. i'll get over it.